The “Do’s and Don’ts” of childcare arrangements during the festive season

Whilst the festive season can be a magical time for children (and those that are still children at heart), for separated families the holidays can sadly create a great deal of stress and conflict. In many cases, a lot of this stress and conflict could be reduced if parents are able to agree on the contact arrangements over the festive season. A little planning ahead and focus on co-operation can make all the difference.

If you are worried about how to navigate your childcare arrangements this festive season here is a guide to the “dos and don’ts” of managing child contact.

The Do’s

Put your child’s needs first

Focus on your child’s wishes and feelings and what will make them the happiest. This may mean that you will need to compromise some of your own plans in order that your child can spend meaningful quality time with both parents.

Plan early and communicate

Starting the conversation about the proposed arrangements well in advance gives everyone time to properly consider options and reflect on them, which should avoid any last-minute misunderstandings or disagreements.

Be clear in your suggestions

By clearly outlining the key details of your proposal, such as pick-up and drop-off times, the locations for handover and who will be responsible for travel, it not only reduces confusion but will enable the other parent to make their own plans.

Be flexible

There are no strict rules on how you can celebrate and if the ‘usual’ arrangements don’t work, perhaps new traditions can be founded.  Consider alternatives like splitting Christmas Day in half, alternating each year with Boxing Day or celebrating the holiday on an entirely different day.

Consider a written agreement

If communication is strained or has been challenging historically you may wish to formalise your agreement in writing. This can be done either via text or email/letter, or if you want something slightly more formal, via a parenting plan. Having a clear record of the agreement can help avoid misunderstandings and will provide clarity for everyone. It can also make it easier to discuss those arrangements if you feel less comfortable having those discussions face-to-face.

Seek mediation if necessary

If you’ve been unable to reach an agreement with the other parent or are struggling with having those direct discussions on these arrangements, mediation can help. By having an independent third party assisting you, you are far more likely to have constructive discussions and reach a compromise which works for everyone and one that your child will be happy with.

Comply with court orders

If you already have a child arrangement order in place defining what those contact arrangements are then you will remain bound by them until the order is varied. You must ensure that you follow the order, unless both parties can agree to a temporary variation. Failure to comply could lead to serious legal consequences. If both parents have agreed to a variation of the child arrangement order, then those changes can be recorded into a consent which is submitted to the court approval and will then supersede the old arrangements.

The Don’ts

Don’t use the festive period as leverage

Contact over the festive period should not be used as a bargaining tool in other areas in dispute, such as the divorce proceedings or the settlement of the matrimonial finances, nor should it be used to “punish” the other parent.  Put your differences aside and focus on what will be in the best interest for your child rather than settling the score of personal grievances.

Don’t involve your children in disputes

There is a big difference between ascertaining your child’s wishes and feelings and asking them to choose between their parents. Avoid placing your child in the middle of any disagreements with the other parent and do not discuss any of your disputes in front of them. By acting in this way, you will not be putting your child’s needs first and you can cause emotional harm to your child.

Don’t make any changes without agreement

Whilst you cannot plan for everything, altering plans with late notice can create unnecessary tension. This can be worsened if those changes are made without communication or by not seeking the agreement of the other parent. If there are any likely changes to your plans always attempt to communicate with the other party and seek their agreement before formalising them. If any changes to plans are likely to impact on the other parent’s time with child offer a compromise and alternative dates/times to make up that lost time.

Remember the importance of extended family to your children

Consider how your child can celebrate with their grandparents, cousins, or other extended family members during the festive period. Also consider any half siblings or step siblings they may wish to spend time with during the festive period and the importance of that family time to your child.

If you are planning to introduce new partners or stepsiblings into any plans with your child, this should be approached sensitivity. If you discuss these dynamics in advance of the introductions, you can avoid misunderstandings or upset.

Don’t assume that you can override existing arrangements

Any changes to the court ordered arrangements can only be achieved if you obtain the other parent’s agreement or if you seek a formal variation through the court. Disregarding the order could have serious repercussions and will almost inevitably result in the matter going back to court.

Conclusion

By focusing on your child’s needs and maintaining civil communication with the other parent and being mindful of their time with your children, you can reduce conflict and hopefully ensure a happy holiday season for all. If you’re facing difficulties reaching an agreement on the contact arrangements over the festive period or wish to formalise any changes to the current arrangements, please contact a member of our family team to book a free initial consultation.